A common question I’m never asked on a regular basis is: “What sort of mayonnaise should I put on my burger?”  So in an effort to answer this clearly important question, I have decided in this blog post to review two common mayonnaises that I put on my burgers (between the burger and the bottom of the bread roll, if you must know) which are both available from a leading brand of supermarket close to where I live.

essential Waitrose Mayonnaise, 70% fat – 79p

Form factor: Comes in a handy small size glass jar (250ml) for those people who don’t eat kilograms of mayonnaise on a regular basis, unlike the big tubs you get from the cash and carry.  Stylish but plain black top on the jar.  Deliberately boring label on the front, as is usual for this range of products.

Consistency: The consistency is a bit gloopy, but fairly spreadable with a decent knife, even if it does remind me a bit of the look of non-drip gloss paint when I put it on my roll.

Taste:  The unexpected surprise of a strong taste of vinegar once in your mouth.  Left to mature in the fridge for a few days, this can even cause it to overpower the taste of the mayonnaise at times which means you could probably save money by putting just vinegar on the roll instead.

• Looks: 3 out of 5 (nothing to shout about)
• Consistency: 3 out of 5 (but what did you expect, it’s only 79p)
• Taste: 3 out of 5 (spoiled by the consistency of non-drip paint)
• Eating it straight off the spoon directly from the fridge rating: 3 out 5 (not bad, but I can really taste that vinegar)
• Mixed with tomato sauce rating: 2 out of 5 (not bad, but gloopiness gets in the way)
  
• Barcode on the label rating: 5 out of 5 (black print, I can read the numbers fine)

Overall rating: 3 out of 5.  It’s bog-standard supermarket mayonnaise, after all.  Don’t try the low fat version.

Hellman’s Real Mayonnaise, 70% fat – £1.39

Form factor:  Comes in a handy smaller-than-the other-one jar (200g), useful for people who don’t run kebab vans and don’t need to use it all up in one night.

Consistency: Much less gloop on this one, and spreads more easily straight from the fridge.  Doesn’t feel like non-drip gloss paint at all.

Taste: The lack of overpowering vinegar taste makes this a much more attractive proposition, with the slightest hint of mustard for a bit of tang (still yet to confirm whether it’s genuine Colmans or not). Definitely worth a little bit extra on your knife for a slightly more perfect burger.

• Looks: 4 out 5.  (it’s got a posh brand name.  Who cares about the rest of the jar.)
• Consistency: 4 out of 5.  (better spread performance makes it more suitable than stone-cold butter, and is cheaper than paint too.)
  
• Taste: 4.5 out 5.  (no vinegar taste bumps the score up quite a lot, but does have a slight aftertaste, but not unpleasant, unless you hate mustard)
• Eating it straight off the spoon directly out of the fridge rating: 5 out of 5 (where’s my teaspoon?)
• Mixed with tomato sauce rating: 3 out of 5 (it tastes like tomato sauce and mayonnaise, what more can I say?)
  
• Barcode on the label rating: 3 out of 5 (lost a couple of bonus points for being in blue ink, and not as big)

Overall rating: 4 out of 5.  Doesn’t taste as cheap as the other stuff, because it isn’t.